but we're never gonna survive unless we're a little crazy

been through too much
lost too much..

and then for them to just come "out" and say "I think it's ok..blah blah blah.."

AS IF IT WAS YOUR DECISION IN THE FIRST PLACE..

it almost seems to me that some of you Re-Bubs are feeling a tad guilty..
really, unless I begin to see some remorse you can just kiss all that warm fuzzy-ness good-bye..I'm standing with whats left of those they tried to kill..I REMEMBER the police beatings and water-cannons there on 18th and Castro.
I REMEMBER the years of my life spent running(all day/night) from one friends home to another to cook or clean for them 'cuz there was no-one else to do it..and NOBODY FUCKING CARED, just another dead homo("..a good thing.." O'Reily said in 02)

so Lil Barb
and McCain-ette..you can just LICK IT for all I care
and I more-than-fart in your direction

Through chance or fortune or fate, I ran into some one from my past..

27 years ago I had come of age and had moved to San Francisco. It was the best of times with the storm gathering close. We(gay culture) were enjoying new-found economic clout(D.I.N.K.) but a devastating wave of HIV/AIDS was soon to grip us with fear and evoke loathing. With the world seemingly diffident to our existence, many of us bonded our selves together in in the ways we could..I chose a choral group. Within this group I had many close/intimate friends. By the late 80's many of use were in "survival/evasive maneuvers " mode. A decade after that, it was apparent that very few of us were left, if any at all..

I ran into Sam today, I didn't even recognize him. He had just barely made it, but is quite healthy today..I was so good to reminisce, along with a sob.

one of those "points of light" was returned to me today

2010 was one of those "Best of Times, Worst of Times" year..

I had just finished the first year without Thia. The work up at Shaver had all but dried up and my living arrangements were coming to a close..I ended up moving down to the Valley into Fresno..the first time really on my own(but still someone's roommate) since before I went to NOLA..
I worked hard and was actually doing better than I had up in the mountains. In a blink of mis-fortune I lost my car(the boys in NOLA never sent the regs) and my choices for locations to live in Fresno were dictated by my socio-eco status..hence I had to live in basically the ghetto..all the angst and the immobility and crime and drugs and dog-eat-dog caught up with me in March..I spent 5 days as "involuntary 5150" in a facility, and it took a major effort on my part to be released..
things are a bit better now..
making the move to Sonoma county whilst still working once a month in Fresno--many of you have seen this on my BaceFook profile. I got a small trailer from Julie and will be moving it to a park in the first of Feb.
This will be my first place in nearly 5 years..
The other spot of joy is Dott..
The Dott Matrix landed in my lap 35 days before she was born..the guy I moved in with has a quite annoying terrier thing and was shocked when I told him she was pregnant. He then informed me that he had never done the puppy thing before--that's how I knew I was where I was supposed to be at that time.
If I had not taken over the care of the mommadog, he would have lost both her and the pups..but all that has passed, and now I have the only girl from the litter..and she's filled the void and helped cement me back to the ground

*phew*

my MindSay account opens back up to me..

 

THIS IS FREAKY!